Board Thread:Fanfiction/@comment-24071055-20170801010255/@comment-24071055-20170801041355

Meet the Campers- Part 1, Episode 1

The camera fades into a man in some sort of purple bunny costume standing on a dock.

“Kazura, is the camera rolling?” The man asks.

“Sí,” says a scratchy voice with an obvious French accent.

“You know, I can NOT tell what your nationality is.” The man in the costume shakes his head.

“Anyways… Welcome all you wonderful viewers at home to Total Hyrule Island, I am your host Ravio!”

“Here’s how the game works,” The camera changes to a group shot of many people.

“These 26 contestants will be competing for a bunch of Rupees! I haven’t figured out the amount yet. Don’t tell them, Kazura.”

“They will be split up into two teams and have to compete in death-defying challenges! The team which loses has to vote off one of their members to  get kicked off by the island by that day’s Boss of Shame!”

The camera pans over to a giant slot machine on a dock. The dock promptly breaks under the weight, and the slot machine sinks to the bottom of the lake.

“…I’ll just use a random number generator or something.”

A run-down old boat speeds up to the dock.

“Here comes our first contestant!”

Zelda steps off and looks around. “Do we really have to stay in this… craphole?”

“Yes.”

“Fuck you, Ravio…”

Zelda steps off to the side of the dock angrily.

Another boat slides up to the dock in due time, but before Ravio can say anything, a shrill voice calls out.

“HELP!!!!”

Navi zooms off of the boat and hides behind Zelda, Agitha in tow.

“Come back, Ms. Butterfly!”

“I am NOT a butterfly, I am a FAIRY! And my name is NAVI!”

Zelda recoils in pain. “Calm down my ears are bleeding, you ass!”

One more person comes off the boat. “I am quite sorry. I do believe I am late.”

Zelda steps off of the boat.

“Wait, how is that possible?” Ravio looks to the Zelda that just got off the boat, and to the other one.

“…Hilda?”

The Zelda at the end of the dock sighs. “Fine, you caught me.”

With a poof, the Zelda reveals herself to actually be Hilda. “Trying to ruin my pristine image I see?” Zelda questions.

“Pfft, like it’s so pristine with what you did last week.” Hilda stifles a laugh.

“I would call you a dirty whore, but to do so would not be very ladylike.” Zelda exclaims.

Zelda is startled by another boat pulling up, causing her to stumble into the water.

“So, did I tell you about the time I arm wrestled a bear and the banana won?” Skull Kid asks, floating off the boat.

“Yes. Ten! Times!” Nabooru yells at him, stepping off the boat as well.

“So, the banana popped out of nowhere and-“

“Is there something wrong with this kid?”

“I know right?” Tingle says, stepping off the boat before it heads back to land.

“Don’t get me started on YOU! You literally talked about how you were a fairy the WHOLE. RIDE. HERE. YOU ARE THIRTY YEARS OLD. THIRTY!”

“…Kooloo Lim-“

“KOOLOO LIM-FUCK OFF.”

Tingle and Skull Kid back towards the end of the dock slowly.

“Hey, I’m still in the water! Would someone kindly help me out?” Zelda yells.

“I shall save you, my sweet!”

Linebeck stands heroically on the approaching boat.

“Oh, thank you!” Zelda yells.

Linebeck dives into the water, sweeping his arms through the liquid, while slowly approaching Zelda.

Right when he gets to Zelda, he grabs some cheap and obviously fake jewelry. “Oh thank Nayru, I thought I lost you.”

“Did someone say my name?” A sing-song voice calls out from the boat.

“I meant the ACTUAL goddess, Nayru,” Linebeck says, frowning. “Not you.”

“Ah, but she IS a goddess!” Darunia exclaims, stepping out from the boat.

“…Thanks, Darunia.” Nayru says, faking a grin.

“Wait, wasn’t there one more with us?” Linebeck questions, pulling himself onto the dock, Zelda in tow.

“Yes.” A voice says from behind Hilda.

“Fucking shit on a cracker!” Hilda yells, jumping back.

Impa steps out from behind Hilda.

“Impa, you simply must stop scaring people.”

Impa sighs and rolls her eyes.

The sound of party music gradually approaches.

“…What is that?” Hilda asks.

“Ohh! You guys got the run-down boats because you were the last eleven that I chloroformed and forged signatu- I mean signed up, so the first 15 got a giant party boat!”

Groans emit from everyone as the party boat docks and people begin to jump out.

“Also because the author is tired and doesn’t want to introduce everyone in groups of four or three!”

“Master, I sense an 87.95% chance of the fourth wall being broken.” Fi says, fluttering after Link.

“Yeah, I know.”

Ruto and Ganondorf walk out.

“Yeah Stephanie, the next thing I knew I was on this weird boat with pizza and stuff!” Ruto says, on the phone.

Ganondorf chucks the phone into the river.

“Do I HAVE to be around this guy all season?” Midna groans, Zant in tow.

“Midna, I will enjoy this less than you will. Trust me. Unless we are on opposite teams.”

Ghirahim and Marin come out.

“This island is so drab…” Ghirahim spits out with a hint of disgust.

“Really? I don’t see any curtains…” Marin says, looking around in wonder.

“That’s DRAPES.”

Din begins to dance out of the boat, ending up spin-kicking Yuga, Onox, and Medli into the water.

“My makeup!” Yuga screeches.

The Happy Mask Salesman walks off of the boat.

“Hey, mind if I call you HMS? Your actual name is way too long.” Ravio says. HMS doesn’t respond and walks to the side, Yuga and Medli crawling up the dock.

Finally, Aryll comes out and strikes a pose.

“Awwwww!” says Ravio.

“I can’t wait to have you thwown off of the iwland by a giant fwesh eating cweature!” Ravio says, in baby talk.

“Alright then…” Aryll says walking to the side.

“We seem to be short a contestant…, Kazura, would you mind filling in?”

Before the confusingly raced Bokoblin can respond, HMS’s body begins to contort in various ways.

Hilda vomits off the side of the dock.

Veran pops out of HMS’s shadow. “I’m here.”

“Farore, Veran…” Ravio says.

“I would like to issue a complaint about this Veran.” Zelda says.

“Oh, speaking of complaints, the confessional is open. It’s an outhouse but with cameras!”

-CONFESSIONAL-

Zelda walks in and begins writing a letter. She puts it on the toilet seat. “That’s not how the confessional works!” Ravio yells.

-CONFESSIONAL END-

“Alright, if everyone’s ready, let’s move to the elimination area to sort out our teams.” Everyone walks away from the dock. Except...

“Uh, guys! You forgot me!” Onox says.

“Hello, guy with big clunky suit of armor sinking! Can someone hel- Ew, does Hilda’s vomit have blood in it?”

Sharks begin to circle around Onox.

“Oh no.”

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The episode ends with a scream. p.p1 {margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Helvetica Neue'; color: #454545} p.p2 {margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Helvetica Neue'; color: #454545; min-height: 14.0px}